local frustrations part deux

i went in for my advising appointment today.
local frustration: my advisor signed me up for 3 classes all at the same time, and had no idea about my minor credits being counted as gen-ed credits. real help.

last week i mentioned that i had a job interview with griffin memorial hospital. well, i called today finally to check on it and i ended up being their 1st choice. not only that, their second choice was significantly below me in interview points.
local frustration: apparently you have to be 21 to work at the adolescent center and that is the center this job was at. all the other places... you don't have to be 21. this one... yep.

so, my classes for thursday were cancelled, which is an amazing opportunity to catch up on work and study for my organic test next week.
local frustration: organic professor decided to throw in a quiz for friday, significantly changing my process of studying and what can be studied. jerk.

i give great advice.
local frustration: i don't follow it.

don't play with fire

a fatal flaw of humans: immunity and naiivity

each and every one of us thinks that he/she is immune. immune to disease... immune to war (it's over there right?)... immune to their friends.

what in god's name do i mean by this?
how many of us are friends with a thief and are naiive enough to think "we are friends (s)he wont steal from me"?
how many of us are friends with just a horrible bitch and think "we're friends, she wont backstab me?
how many of us allow ourselves to walk outside with wet hair or not wear socks when its cold thinking "i wont get sick"?
all of us. and if this doesn't describe you. congrats. maybe you are immune. as for the rest of us... we aren't. we aren't immune to the naiivity laying within us.

if you are friends with a thief, a murderer, a horrible bitch, a conartist, or fire. just know that you are just as prone to getting stolen from, killed, betrayed, conned, or burned as anyone else. now, i'm not saying not to be friends with these people. they could be good people, and great friends. but when it comes down to it... they are what they are. don't be naiive. once again, of course i don't follow my own advice. i realized i'm more naiive than i gave myself credit for previously...

don't play with fire unless you expect to get burned.

yeah, maybe 1000 people read this blog religiously, and maybe nobody reads it. going strictly by number of comments made on my blogs i would put my money on the latter... but all in all i'm only talking to get my advices, wisdoms, stupidity, and stories out. read it or don't. comment or don't. believe me or don't. i don't really care. i'm going to continue to pour out.

soapbox

*whips out a soap box and balances herself on it*

i'm tired of people not taking chances because so and so is leaving or i'm too busy or i shouldn't because of so and so. i'm tired of people worrying so damn much and not enjoying life. SO THE HELL WHAT if you get hurt in the end. why are we always protecting ourselves? if we don't let down our guards, then we'll never fully experience life. you're not living unless you take some risks, some of those will end up with heartbreak, but they'll be worth it in the end and the times you had you will have gained something from and sometimes everything will work out and you can rest assured that it was because you weren't worried and you weren't not taking a risk because of dumb excuses you have to get yourself out there and LIVE. and love and give yourself to everyone and take something from everyone you meet. whether that be the lady selling you coffee or yelling at you in a grocery store or maybe its the man/woman that is returning your love or not, and maybe its a friend or a pesty friend that wont go away. you'll get something out of them and you need to understand and put yourself out there. its worth it.
*breath*
*steps down*

now, if only i could follow my own advice.

out of the dingy city, into the fire.

i've left my wonderful vacation from life. and it was odd... it was like... everything was on pause for me... sorta like the saved by the bell time outs, then as soon as i landed at the Will Rogers not-so-world airport, the screenfreeze was over and it was as fast pace and stressful as ever. i've been going at a million miles a second, if not in activities then in my mind.

i had a job interview with a panal at the psych hospital and halfway through the interview...and i was saying the perfect little answers i knew were what they wanted to hear, and i realized that i really did feel that way. i really am passionate about helping people. i really do believe that you can't just seem to care, you have to really care. i got passionate about this during the interview, and i think it showed. i really do want the job, but its ok if i don't get it. i don't really think i have enough experience for them to have full faith in me, but i have faith in me, and going through that interview was really good to kick me into shape. i know i have to finish all this medical school bull in order to achieve my ridiculously lofty goal. but i'm more determined than ever.

the next few weeks are going to be stressful. sometimes i think i have too much faith in myself. i want to do what interests me, and i'm not interested unless its a challange. maybe too much of a challange for me to bite off. within 3 weeks i will have 2 10-15 page papers to write, at least 3 3-page papers, at least one organic exam, and at least 3 presentations. but thats the way the cookie crumbles when you take discussion classes. i think i can handle it. and i think i want to. i miss me. i miss the mary that can take anything on and come out on top. i don't want to struggle or be frustrated anymore. thats not me.

i should be frustrated about things like not being able to be done with school early enough to get out and help, not about being behind in a class or not finishing my arabic homework.

i'm back to my healthy diet, back to my work-outs, back to my homework, back to full nights of sleep, and i've been dreaming. very recently i started remembering my dreams again. full, long dreams, that you don't want to wake up from because you are curious what is going to happen.

well, i don't know what's going to happen. i'm going to let things take their course, and i'm going to follow my own advice and take things one situation at a time. i'm going to follow the advice of my mother who wrote to me in a very special letter my senior year that when i fall down or am pushed to the ground, to get back up, and yet, while i'm down there, take a breath and note of every pebble of the ground i'm face to face with. take note of every step, the good and the hard and the bad and the easy. its all worth noting and learning from. we can't afford to miss a moment of life. just take it as it comes.

now's song: eisley - laughing city

leprechauns and a city of dirty gold

so i'm in baltimore with my sister and my best friend. and i think that a "retreat" with just the three of us is exactly what each of us needed. i don't think that either of them understand how happy this makes me, that we can all just hang out together for a week, i'm loving it. and i think each of us thinks that same thing. we all have fun together. elaine pointed out that a lot of people think that they have fun together, but they don't. we really do. we can be sitting around at home, in elaine's office, or dancings at magurks, and we're bound to be having a great time (busts into "with or withoooouuut you").

every now and then, its really necessary to take a break, from school, sure, but from the life you're used to. this not only gives you a fresh perspective on your life, but it leaves you refreshed to get back into your life. being dropped in a plalce you really don't know anyone and allowed to explore and make friends and have fun is just a spectacular experience.

also. something that i had noticed before, but really struck me recently... new england girls... just not that pretty. midwestern girls are just a lot hotter (...per capita...) so not only are we the most fun. we're hot too... heh.

and thats where the leprechauns come in.
elaine is really lucky to have made the friends she has made in such a short time of being in "baldimore" and i find myself once again hoping that i am able to do the same when put in her place. this didn't work out so well in college, i didn't have the incredible friend network that elaine had in the dorms, and i wish i was more social, or did something different in order to have that, but i made friends. we'll see how i work out in her shoes next time. so back to the short green people. we've had an awesome time so far celebrating st. patty's. in a city with an irish overstock, this celebration seems never ending, it's been going on for a while, and yesterday was the climax, i suppose it'll continue to the weekend... who knows. green beer, irish folksongs, and GOLD for everyone! (minus any real gold.)

i woke up in mah baythin suit and IIII feeel FIIIINE.

spring break halfies and old wisdom

i was half-dreding this first part of spring break... i was already in a bad mood from the week, and i was terrified of a weekend full of usual parental disagreements... but i was pleasantly surprised... i had a spectacular weekend with my parents, full of mom-daughter luncheon bonding and dinner-party cooking bonding... then you have to throw in the flavorfull working with dad and kathleen at the store, which turned out really great. we had a great time, i earned a little extra cash, and we got a lot done.

it was weird, i almost wish we had fought because then i wouldn't feel so bad about leaving, all the same, i'm excited about going to baltimore, i miss the hell out of my big sis and this week will rock. i needed this spring break. so, i'm good.

so, a very old lady was giving me advice for a very long time on saturday, and surprisingly, i found her right. one of her main things between her cute-old-lady bantering about praying that a nice man come into my life was her encouragement for me to get "out there" and i was thinking... where? where out there? i go to classes. i'm in a few organizations... but she's right. i need to find a way to get "out there" and stop waiting. she reapeatedly exclaimed that you can't just wait for things to happen to you. and i do that. i sit back and wait for things to happen to me. to come to me. what i'm waiting for, i'm not really sure. but i need to make things happen for myself.

song of the week: akon - mr. lonely.

my old man

i've had the oddest sleeping habits the last few days, another week of going taking naps then staying up all night.

i got in trouble with arlette in arabic for being a giant nerd today. apparently bringing up machiavelli in relation to arabic literature isn't normal. s'pose the old man is just in my thoughts.

and my quotes for tonight by mr. M himself:

"Before all else, be armed."
"It is double pleasure to deceive the deceiver."
"Of mankind we may say in general they are fickle, hypocritical, and greedy of gain."
"The wise man does at once what the fool does finally."
"Whosoever desires constant success must change his conduct with the times."

that pretty much sums up my mood.
don't play with fire, lest you be burned (bitch).

black betty

so, we've had that gorgeous weather too... and it transforms me into this creature of the light, which we all know that marys usually only come out at night, but i can't get out of the sun during this weather... i drive around listening to things like black betty (spiderbait) and hey pretty(poe) and nirvana... and i rock out... and i wear sunglasses and grunge clothes and my seat goes back and my pedal goes down...and i feel like a badass... and about that time, i realize that i feel like a badass and immeadiately feel like a lame-ass. i never said i was cool... when i said "i am so cool" i didn't mean it... it was a blurt out... i know i'm actually just a giant geek.

this weekend was interesting, great party... totally lost track of time... nothing got shut down... and we ended around 4:30... danced all night and had a great time. a lot of people couldn't show that wanted to... but its cool... we'll do it again next month... and after that great break to just get everything out of my system... now i have 2 tests this week (don't worry, i did some work this weekend, it wasn't completely unproductive)... i'll celebrate this week being over as soon as thursday rolls around... i'll celebrate the fact that evil organic chemistry will finally stop obstructing the path between me and the actual organic outdoors. and next week... BSB05! geez... my sis and jason are so cheesy... but i love them, and i'm SO pumped to get out there with miz this weekend... and i promise... once again... i feel a philosophical explosion coming on soon... so... expect it... or dont.

who wants to party?

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