i occupy life

i'm on a mission. its one i've started a few times and i'm out to accomplish this time. i have a list of movies that i should have seen a long time ago, to uphold the stereotype i've set for myself. however, i keep getting sidetracked on new movies i want to see... like tonight, i watched a new audrey tautou movie... "God is great and i am not" it was decent, but it was a little too dragged out. audrey tautou, however, is so damn cute. its really unfair. so... the dvd rental cover said God Is Great and I Am Not-Subtitled and i was like... god is great and i'm not subtitled... what a weird title. thats brilliant. but not. it was only the movie that was in fact subtitled... IN YELLOW. so NO ONE COULD READ IT. anyways...... i'm on a mission.

intersession is going. 3 hour class isn't so bad actually. and being at home alone is peaceful but sorta lonely. i mean kathleens back sometimes... but shes not around most of the time, and she went home again tonight... but i have other people around.
conundrum: i enjoy being alone but i'm lonely when i am... maybe i just like being lonely.

thats sorta twisted... but what hasn't been recently??

so real its fake

yeah, my life at home is the perfect setting for a reality tv sitcom, but i know, eveyone says that. i mean it. my family is ridiculous to a stupid extreme. my sister made some comment today about how if SHE were homeless, she wouldn't sleep next to a sewer b/c she wouldn't want to stink. and my mother. oh lord, i'm not sure i should get started on her. my mother would be the basis of the whole damn show. she IS why people would tune in. for her stupid weird reactions to sitting in booths, for her ways of manipulation, for her pronunciation of "ghetto", for usurping my bed, kicking me off it, and then telling me i'm out of line. for getting angry anytime elaine as a favorite child get brought up as my mother makes a feast for her return... for all the jokes she catches and especially the ones she doesn't. my dad, my mom, they're all insane. absolutely insane. and me and elaine, we don't stand even a small chance of coming out normal in the end. but now elaine and i, we have the two of them so figured out, they don't even need to say anything anymore. we don't even need them anymore. we got it down. we have everyone down. the voices don't stop, and my mom brought up a point today, she said in arabic of course "God help anyone who has to deal with you two for their lives, i don't know who would do it." and i replied calmly to her, that any boy/man that is going to be dealing with elaine and me for eternity, will be much worse than the two of us, and will laugh at people just as much if not more, and if he doesn't, of course he wont last.

elaine and i decided. christmas when we are older is going to be nothing but the funnies. ridiculous gifts and messing with each other and each other's families/kids. oh yeah, i'm that aunt. and its gonna be funny.

also, i did a horrible deed. i watched... yeah... i watched an old video. of the talent show i was once so proud of. and all in all, the show was an amazing feat. it was a hawaiian theme and there were candles on all the tables, and fruit drinks and music, and it made LOTS of money for the church group, that wasn't the terrifying part. i was the terrifying part. and what's even scaryier than the fact that my family and friends encouraged me is that i was happy. at least, i look happy in the video.

sick, sick, sad world.

deadweek part III: the end has no end

here i am... haven't been able to sleep all week, and for the first time in monthes i actually have nothing to do, but i'm too tired to do it. i went bed at 5:30... pm... and my tests, i think i did fairly decently on them... who knows. they were all tricky in stupid ways.

i went to the pound yesterday with aubrie, and i saw this puppy. he was small enough to just be able to carry him, he was gonna grow up to be mishka size, he was all white with different colored patches on him, and i wanted to grab him and take him with me and name him blue. he was licking my hands and trying to nurse, and he was the most beautiful puppy ever. i'm in love. and i want a puppy.

finals week has left me broken and full of resolution. i'm a little on edge, because who knows what will happen. and i'm ready to maybe be able to sleep longer than a few hours. i don't know if that can happen, for now. we all know its just gonna happen again next semester. i'm just gonna chill. yeah. that sounds like a good plan.

deadweek part II: unhuman qualities

i'm broken. and its wednesday. i have one left. zoology. i'm so tired. i'm so frustrated. i'm so unmotivated but yet hyped up on adrenaline. i'm medically, physically, and mentally broken.

one of the most frustrating feelings in the world:
to work hard all semester and put yourself in a good position for the final, as in, having an A in the class going in. and just PRAYING for a B after the final.
(or)
to work hard all semester and do amazing on every assignment and even get an A on the final, but miss getting an A in the class because of 3 classpoints. ending with an 89.13 in the class.
(worst part, I already knew this material, most of it anyways, and I could have put my effort toward more important things... its only a one hour class!)

O. K. Emistry is the pedophile running around norman attacking young adults.

don't tell me to rest. its finals week. i'll sleep when i'm dead, and i'm well on my way to a good night's rest, so stop worrying.

deadweek part I: delirium

monday. wednesday. friday. arabic. o-chem. zoology. respectively.

so, i went to bed at 3 am and peppy little kathleen woke me up with her chipper little i -can't-believe-you're-still-sleeping voice, and her creepy "ITS YOU AND IIIIII" ring at 5 am. me, mizi and katy all go to IHOP for breakfast and some MORE studying. and i get an omelet with pancakes... put my syrup on it... eat the first one... then i pick up the syrup and start putting some more on the next pancake... and mizi and kathleen are giving me this disgusted look,

mizi says, "you're disgusting. you've completely lost it."
and me, thinking that shes just being whiney that i'm eating syrup and its unhealthy or some such, i look at her and say "MIZI, it is no time for dieting."
she looks at me, still crazy, and yells at me, "thats your fucking coffee, idiot!"
i was wondering why it was so watery... hmmm... however... how i mistook the large coffee pot for the little syrup pot which was on the other side of the table... THAT... i don't know.

anyways... i'm going to go pass out before i start learning organic for a few days straight.

help me. i'm trapped in some psycho's body.

quick thoughts

tips.
1) always keep your eyes open
2) always keep your mind moving
3) always keep your silence full


i've been told i'm not a procrastinator, i'm a pressure cooker.
what happens when the pot explodes???

oh what a night(s)

so... this weekend was really fun... out of nowhere.

i was up all night wed night trying to write my paper, and i just wasn't feeling it... it just so happened that my prof gave me an extension to friday... and so then, i stayed up all night thursday writing it... and this time, it came together... outline worked and everything. so, i went to bed at about 11:30 am after turning it in and wake up at about 4:30...

friday night, i go to renee's birthday dinner dressed ... totally like... biker barbie style... hehe... i looked cute anyways, and i had a really good time there, then i decided to come home and go to bobby's christmas party, also lotsa fun... ian was there... but like that mattered.
woke up sat... did work blah blah... ou won again...

then... oh the suspense...THEN...

then i decided to start my pre-hellweek, post hell-paper, post-good victory celebration. hehe... i was toasted. it was good toasted though... no illness involved... all night... i love that.
components of saturday night:
--football
--dancing on furniture at the bowling alley
--almost fighting with this crazy russian girl
--being hit on like crazy by another russian girl
--IHOP
--running around a parking lot in the rain after i got dropped off at home

where you could find me on saturday:
--my apartment
--nayrooz's apartment
--sooner bowling
--james's house
--an ODPhi party
--IHOP
--my apartment yet again

it was just free you know... i'm tired of waiting around to see what everyone else wants to do and conform to that all night. i did what i wanted, and it was such a great weekend. i hung out with almost all my different friends and i realized something again that i realized a long time ago... don't ever wait around. just go for it.