uh oh the frying pan

so... every now and again, i think it is important to get thrown into an environment that is completely alien. I think that is what i need most right now, and luckily i get to do that this week. Balty again. i know, i wasn't expecting it either. And i wasn't sure i wanted to go, but i think it'll be good for me. 1. i miss my big sis. 2. i am going to be at a convention where i get to discuss arab politics and social issues. 3. i will be hanging out with a bunch of people i don't know at all.

Just thrown in. we'll see how i work out. there's some super-cute boys i've seen pics of that will be there. i just hope they like talking politics... hehe. nah, i'm not looking for anything but a vacation from everything i know here in oklahoma. I need to be out of the comfort zone a bit.

in other revelations. i love my major.

and in even more revelations... while waiting for mizi outside of gourmetvue after studying all friday night... i was approached by a particularly inebriated guy who proceeded to tell me how we belong together and he wanted to take me out, and i deserve a guy who is going to tell me how wonderful and beautiful and intelligent i am every day of my life... best comment of the night? "where do your parents live?" "okc" "mine live in norman... we could totally work this out!" so mizi gets thre after 20 minutes of this... and ends up knowing the guy. it was all just odd. and in case you're wondering... no... i'm not getting married any time soon. but i think its odd that drunken strangers are the ones to point things out like that. Not that i should be told how beautiful i am every day. i'll kill anyone that tries. but just that appreciation is important. friends... significant others... whoever. you have to find people that appreciate you for who you are. its important. and it seems basic and obvious, but most people really don't get that. they don't think about it, and they devalue it.

end.

watching reality

brilliance

so, i'm going to be a patron. lol.. yeah... patron of the arts... so, while staring at my very blank and white walls i was trying to figure out what in God's name i can do to help them. And just like everyone else, i want to be original. and thus far the objects i have hanging on my wall are original. my digital imaging of my friends pictures and then some art i picked up in spain. anyhow, i want more.

so i'm lucky to have the connections i do. ich habe a few friends who just happen to be artists... and i happen to love their art. so i'm commissioning them to get inspired and paint for me. :) i'm actually really excited about this. it means so much more not only that no one else will have it... and not only that it was made for me... but especially because it will be my friends art.

brilliant. really, brilliant.

sometimes i want to fall

you know that feeling you get when you're driving down the road... windows open... tiesto's version of adagio for strings or perhaps Andian's Beautiful Things... or... if you're feeling inspriational... Tiesto's "Just Be"... anyhow... you're driving listening to your techno so that the only other sense you have any room for is to feel your heart beating... that feeling... i love that feeling.

that feeling...its numbness.

una notte

Quanto tempo può durare?
Quante notti da sognare?
Quante ore, quanti giorni
E carezze infinite?
Quando ami da morire
Chiudi gli occhi e non pensare
Il tempo passa, l'amore scompare
E la danza finirà!


*pink martini - una notte a napoli

mutants and gremlins

mu·tant (myoot'nt)
n.

1. An individual, organism, or new genetic character arising or resulting from mutation.
2. Slang. One that is suggestive of a genetic mutant, as in bizarre appearance or inaptitude.

3. The creepy bloodthirsty jumping spider-cricket mutants which congregate outside of building 3 at cottonwood ridge. Also refered to as sprickets or cryders.

One of these mutants had the innerds to enter my apartment. It met the wrath of me and HotShot.

grem·lin (grém'lïn)
n.

1. An imaginary gnomelike creature to whom mechanical problems, especially in aircraft, are attributed.
2. A maker of mischief.

3. Of a breed of pointy earred satanic banshee-like kittens that took refuge in my hallway outside of my apartment.

One of these gremlins entered my apartment. He melted my heart. I don't even like cats. But i bought him special kitty. I had to put him outside but i gave him food. The mutants attacked this food.



SO. Attachments. i knew that if i kept this cat for more than i did, even for just tonight, i wouldn't let it go. now it is living outside of my apartment so i can see him, but he's not any closer than that. even with cats. i'm tired of letting people in. people/animals it doesn't matter. i'm just tired of it. I've gotten to a point where i keep what is familiar or has been familiar around me and i keep the nonfamiliar at least arms length away. Even the new people i have been hanging out with are those that i have known in the past.

I've had a lot of people tell me that i'm becoming more reserved, not as fun, etc. i'm not sure what to say to all that. nothing has changed really, but i'm exhausted. I hate being fake. I'm good at being uncomfortable... but If i don't want to be at a certain place, or with certain people. I'm going to generally avoid it. Leave or just never get there, but avoid it all the same.

Avoid attachments; they're bad news.
Avoid mutants; they're bloodthirsty.
Avoid plastic; it suffocates.
Avoid colds; they make you sleep too much.

unfortunate fortune

i have a fortune sitting on my desk. its been sitting here for quite some time, and my eyes often tend to wander and look at it.

"Be patient. Good things come to those who wait."

so... could someone answer how long i'm supposed to wait before i explode?


i guess its better than the "you need to make a budget" fortune i got twice on my birthday. :(

fine wines, fine lines

1. there is a fine line between hate and love. the more i love someone, the more easily i resent and hate them.

2. indifference is the quality you probably want to avoid. that is... if it makes any difference to you at all.

3. another small clarification: irritation and hate. no fine line there really... they don't have much to do with each other at all. please don't confuse the two.


hate is like a fine wine really... it only gets better with age...

i do (not) hate you

so i'm one of my paths again. i haven't done this since about last may, but its about time. so, i've been finding out a large number of people think i hate them, that or i just have left the relationship in a bad state. so i'm doing the cleansing thing and going around and patching things up. i've fixed about 5 so far i think... but i've got a long way to go. i always feel relieved when i do this. i don't like people to think i hate them... at least... not people that are actually worth anything. i know the importance of friends and that all too often we take our friendships for granted. so... no i probably don't hate you. i've been busy. and i know... yes yes... you've been busy too... but i'm not offended that you've been busy. that's the difference. no. i don't hate you.

in other news. well, there isn't much other news i suppose. although i don't actually have the internet at home or cable or an antenna... i have heard this and that about new orleans being the modern lost city of atlantis, and i'm enjoying going around telling people that this happened b/c new orleans was a city of debauchery. (no i probably think its due more to the fact that n.o. is under sea level and is located on the gulf of mexico in a tropically volatile area.) but its much more fun to predict the end of the world.

my dad finally came back from his trip and today is the first day that i actually have no obligations over my head. i can do what i like... i've always been daddy's girl though and yesterday was his birthday, i surprised him with a cake and took him to dinner... i missed my daddy. and i miss my mom and sister. it's sad that they got to be there and i didn't. we haven't all gone together since i was little. :(

if you wanna see pictures of my childhood and adorable cousins... my sister has been uploading to my flickr and hers.
www.flickr.com/photos/ironyandwine
www.flickr.com/photos/e-licious