equilibrium

isn't it amazing that no matter what our environment or what we put our bodies through, it takes it. it maintains equilibrium, it stays at 98.6 no matter how much sun we're in... it corrects whats wrong. the equilibrium of happiness is reached through honesty. as long as honesty is in the picture, happiness will gladly and willingly appear in life. when you can be honest yourself and look into another persons eyes and see matching honesty, you'll be content. if you can't look someone in eye and feel that, you can't reach the mental equilibrium that is necessary to balance your body's natural equilibrium.

i'm so amazed by the body that it is driving me to go to medical school. i've been thinking about what i want to do with my life a lot lately. in high school i swore up and down that i wouldn't do it, i wouldn't give in and be a doctor. i took an anatomy class for the reason that as a human, i think i have a duty to understand how my body works. i fell in love with the efficiency and extent to which it works. what do i want to do with my life? most of you have heard my lofty political goals, but on a broader base, i want to learn. i want to learn as much as possible about the world around me, but how is it possible to learn about the world around me if i don't know about my more immediate environment. i have to understand the external equilibrium, but in order to best understand that, i know understand that i must realize and understand the internal equilibrium that is me. so on that note, i'm going to study for my medical college entrance exam.
maybe once i better understand how my body works physically i can work on the mental equilibrium and reach a better height of honesty that will lead to a content and less restless existance.

cold candlelight wonderings

as i sit here day after day unable to sleep, keeping vigil watching the news, looking up articles, and thinking, i lose hope.

i light a candle every day for peace. but i'm beginning to wonder if its possible.
i want to dedicate my life to a better world, but i'm beginning to wonder if its futile.

as i sit here, studying for my MCAT, and watching the news, i am torn. torn because i feel a coldness replacing a passion in my heart. i feel the hate growing in the world. and i feel like my own efforts that i am working toward through the medical medium i have chosen are almost laughable.

people come into the pharmacy every day, and a few times a day instead of how's your day, or "scorcher we're having isn't it?" the small talk that i am offered goes along the lines of... God bless our troops... those terrorists need to be stopped... i'm glad i'm safe here... i don't know how to respond to these people aside from a small smile and some talk about whatever pill they've been put on to better their lives and their pain. if they knew i was palestinian, some of these people, i'm sure, would judge me as a terrorist, as a terrible person, and as a threat.
yeah, and that hurts.

the violence i'm watching every day has gone too far. there is an entire race of people who have been silence and overlooked. larry king tonight mentioned "[hezbollah] kidnapped two soldiers, what did they think was going to happen?? did they really think that violence was going to get them anywhere??" the man he was interviewing, an editor for the hezbollah station retorted with: "they were wanting a swap, they were not looking for a war, their own people had been taken hostage for 28 years, and they wanted them back. they weren't being heard any other way."

the people are silenced. i don't agree with violence on either side, and i know in my heart that these people could all live together if they could just respect each other. no one is going away, the israelis took palestine almost 60 years ago and they aren't leaving, but the arabs have a home there too. the only chance for peace is coexistance. stop killing. stop trying to rid the world of arabs. thats not the answer. of course when squeezed and approached with violence, with bulldozers, with hate, a people are going to respond the with the same vices. there is only so long that a being can just sit back and take it. these are a people screaming to be heard and only being overlooked. these are a people with nothing to lose.

i wonder if there will be a middle east for me to open my hospital in. i wonder if i can take my future children to the dr. hart resort and to the mediterranean sea that i've loved so much, i wonder if they can eat at the pagoda, watch the nightlife boat that rides by playing coco jambo and sit on the edge of haifa, eating bizer and overlooking the harbor. or maybe all that will be gone... if not gone, changed forever from the childhood that i know.

i wonder if my own attempts are futile, if i should get rid of cable all together and forget about the news, about the world... i wonder if i could turn my back on the very thing i'm most passionate about, and i wonder... if i don't... will anyone listen anyways?

things i don't undersand

it seems impossible for me to comprehend the following, so if anyone could answer these questions for me, i would really appreciate it.

1. why would you bomb a christian city when you are looking for "muslim hezbollah extremists"?

2. why is it that hezbollah are the only terrorists when israel is killing a hell of a lot more people than hezbollah has?

3. how can you be okay with killing a minibus of people fleeing from a city to safety?

4. why can't governments just tell the truth. we know you aren't in lebanon because of two soldiers that were captured. just tell us.

5. why did bush say he looked into putin's eyes and saw his soul? thats just odd.

6. why does richard engel not call me when he's lonely at night?

7. why do people seem to be pushing for and wanting a world war?

8. i don't understand hate. i don't understand war. and i don't understand how so many people okay with it?

one last thing, richard, if you're out there... email me, lets talk, i know you'd like me if you met me. :)

i'll have an actual commentary on all of this later. i need to let it soak in a bit more.