isn't it funny

its funny how life works out. all summer, for those of you who are in the know and aren't, i've been down... i lost a few friends, and it seemed like everyone that was important to me wasn't around anymore, except for mizi... (excluding family i live with)... and i really was feeling that emptyness. especially towards the end of july.

i don't believe i ever blogged this, but a few weeks ago after the nightmares i had, i spent the night at mizi's... i was afraid i would have nightmares again, but rather i had a dream about elie. i walked into a big empty room with a poker table in the middle of it and a bunch of the arab guys were sitting around the table. elie was one of them and as i saw him my jaw dropped and i wanted to go hug him. the guys around the table wouldn't let me hug him at first, but were like, here hug this guy... finally, i did get to hug elie and talk to him and he said that he had just decided to come into town but he was only going to be in a few days and we probably couldn't hang out much. i started crying in the dream and woke up missing my best friend like crazy.

This last weekend i went to baltimore. and i had a spectacular weekend. it was just what i was looking for. i missed my big sister, and was alotted a TON of hang out time with her. PLUS we got to go see ozomatli (check out the autographs i got)... anyways, that weekend really made me feel better and i dreaded returning to classes for finals week. the next day after i returned i was supposed to meet mizi and renee for lunch at the union. they were taking a while, so i went to grab my food. they showed up as i grabbed it and as we headed back to the schooner room, i saw the elie look-a-like leaning against a magazine stand. i stopped and stared, this time gawking more than staring. all that was going through my head was how much i missed him, and "DAMN that guy looks more and more like elie every day, this is really getting ridiculous." well, as i was about to turn to mizi and renee to show them the elie look-a-like i noticed that they were smiling and had stopped walking and the guy started laughing. i think i almost went into cardiac arrest, slowly put my bookbag and salad down somewhere and went up to him and gave him the hug i needed so badly. IT WAS ELIE. he just showed up. he showed up when i needed him so much. although he's not here that long, i have been hanging out with him everyday and i still will randomly look at him, and not really believe that he's here. i don't think i've ever actually been that surprised. especially that pleasantly surprised.

i'm afraid he's just going to disappear if i let him out of my site... and i don't know what i'm going to do when he leaves. i don't have any idea when i'll see him again.

so i got all of my best friends at once. my sister all weekend, and elie for a little over a week, and of course mizi is here. i got my real friends back for a while, which I think may be the best gift i've ever received. its so nice to have quality friends that you can just sit and talk to for hours and not get bored with. i may be gushing on them... but i don't think they can ever really realize how much this means to me and how much i really needed it.

isn't it funny how things work out?
i'm a happy happy girl.

rock on OZO!

mario's autograph

Asdru's autograph

and here they are!
ozoMATLI!

pumped up on salt

i've decided i need a little more salt in my teeth. so yep... headed back to the balty. i miss my sister terribly and ARTSCAPE is this weekend. i'm pumped. even more pumped to get to go see ozomatli. for those of you ignorant to the brilliance of ozomatli... remember the band they go to see in "never been kissed" yep. that's them. brilliant. so a weekend up straight up good times... shopping... artsy shizzat... and music. doesn't get better than this...

in even more terribly exciting news... THANK YOU TO YOU AND YOUR GODS. the condo is mine. mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine. i love it. i loooove it. i'm so stoked. flyers will be out soon. expect them.

nothing too incredibly philisophical... but one interesting observation from this week. so i've been talking to some of my friends who went on the jordan trip this summer... and its interesting that the same conversations, the same situations, the same activities, the same irritations, the same chill spots... everything experienced ends up being the exact same... the same lessons are learned... everything, it's really fascinating. its just from a different perspective. weeeeird.

i need to get back to doing productive things like laundry and lab reports... oh who am i kidding... that wont happen for another 4 hours... but i'm gonna pretend.

PEACEY!

the new place?

everyone pray to your gods. i want to live HERE the pictures dont do it justice really, you miss a lot of the place, but its an idea. i really love the place... and bewares of a housewarming party involving tony bennett and classy skirts. *wink* don't worry, there'll be a flyer and you know it. but for now, i have to get the house. here's hoping!

once again, in case that link doesn't work, its on my flikr site:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ironyandwine/sets/600318/

"ridiculosity factor"

pre-note: NPR, i love it, really i do. but even those you love most dearly... you just gotta wonder about sometimes. and it was the report really, not the station.

ok... so visualize:
we're driving to our destination as a family, and of course, we're listening to NPR. as always when israeli-palestinian war news comes on, everyone gets quiet and listens.
"boy in fact pronounced dead by gunshot to chest... claims boy to have been teenager among peers and all throwing rocks at officer on duty... inciting officer to act...stones were indeed found at site of incident."

REWIND:
STONES WERE INDEED FOUND AT SITE OF INCIDENT.

you're kidding right? if this is the evidence we are going on... we have bigger problems then unruly teens or men with guns...i'm not sure how much my readers know about israel, but i'll tell you this much... stones aren't hard to come by. its sorta like saying, there was sand at the site of a crime in the middle of the desert and claiming this to be deciding evidence. that is ridiculous. it's running through my head over and over. STONES WERE INDEED FOUND AT THE SITE OF THE INCIDENT. ludicrous. please someone explain to me the logic in using this as strong, decisive, and JUSTIFYING evidence.

strong cobwebs

maybe i'm not who i want to be... i'm working on that... maybe i'm doing something wrong... i'm trying to figure that out... maybe i've been overestimated, overdramatic, overemotional... i know my life isn't terrible by any standards... i have a family that loves me, i don't need anything, i'm getting the education i wanted, i'm lucky.

but anyone that knows me knows the amount of my life that revolves around friends. and it sorta feels like my little network that used to be overly strong is now like a shabby little cobweb. i mean, of course i have mizi, and i love her to death, but i feel like i rely too much on her... i can't do that... we all know i'm a recluse at heart, and if you don't know that, now you do. what i need that friend network for is not to make myself comfortable, i'm comfortable no matter what i do. but i need it in order to not become a recluse. and i know people will always leave. but i think i'm chasing them away. and i miss so many people that i've either chased away or have left or had to move away and graduate that it makes me want to just go into stay in my room state. its not that i'm not comfortable with me, but i think i'm beginning to understand that i don't know myself in relation to other people. i don't understan how i come off, or how they react. i think i'm going about this all wrong, but i feel like i don't have the energy to start over... i'd rather work with what i've got left and just try to preserve it the best i can. no point in recovery or futile attempts at time-travel.

whadoya think?

k.... quick ?


if you get a calculator from your accountant... and the calculator doesn't work... like... the decimal key wont work and it gives you the wrong answer.... should you trust that accountant?

nothing monumental

this topic seems to have come up quite frequently recently, so i thought i would comment on it.

with respect to people i'm surrounded by... friends, relatives, whatever...even perfect strangers:

when i first meet someone they have about 100% respect and about 0% trust.
respect is lost fairly easily, and once lost becomes severely difficult to regain. trust is really hard to gain in the first place, i don't believe one person has the 100% trust. this is not to be discouraging, and i don't think it's harsh at all, although i've been told that it is. yes. i hold grudges, yes i don't really trust you, i might respect you, even if i dislike you. but just to let you know, i'm also a nice and fair person. i'll give you as many chances as you want to gain trust or respect. really, as much as people might think it... i'm not a cold-hearted bitch, unless you deserve it.

and a funny story to add on:
mizi and i were sitting waiting for some pizza to arrive at the commmons when two black men in a black SUV pull up. they're talking to us for a bit and then were like... "what are you uncomfortable talking to two black men?" yeah no... no problem with black people. i don't really like it when random guys drive up out of nowhere telling me to go "watch boxing" with them. what my response should have been? "what!? are you just uncomfortable talking to two arabs?" they would have peeled out without another word.