Debate I; a few observations

1. before we go into content, or lack thereof, lets talk about aesthetics: bushy's posture was atrocious. don't lean over and act like you don't care. seriously. kerry was much more composed while bush was talking and presented himself more elegantly.

2. i didn't like either candidate's position on Sudan. if america is such a liberator, then the american government needs to do more than just say, i sure hope the african union can do something about this. geez. kerry used his hands and seemed more confident. bush seemed smug.

3. both candidates were very repetitive, however, bush didn't seem to really say anything in the end and kerry did. bush seemed really nervous... and in the end just kept repeating his arguments whether or not they were already shot down. he almost forced kerry to be repeatitive.

4. bush needs to maybe limit himself to 2 syllable words, because he stumbled a lot. A LOT. and UH is not a space filler word. it seems like bush was winging it almost. and by the way, osama bin laden and sadam houssein are STILL not the same person although bush put his favorite device into use... molding the two into one. 2 examples: "after iraq attacked america..." and "sadam houssein, i mean...uh... osama bin laden..."

all in all... i still respect kerry a lot more than bush, and actually after that, i like bush even less and kerry more.

revelations on awkward times

so... elaine told me this a long time ago, but after a day of reminescing, i fully finally believe her. i am finally grateful for my awkward stages, being in orchestra and girl scouts, and being told that i would never succeed in academics. irony and chance have led me to where i am today. i mean...
elementary school: 1. i never got a gold star, i couldn't finish the timed math tests fast enough to get one. 2. i joined orchestra so i could be...uh... cool...weird path to go down for that... middle school: i had no friends in 7th grade. 2. can we say awkward stage? 3. i had 3 different teachers that i can remember point out to me that i would never make it in academics and that i should stop trying. high school: i finally developed some confidence my senior year. 2. i hung out in orchestra a lot. 3. started AP and my jobs...

what do i want to do now more than anything?
1. go back to middle school and tell my 8th grade Algebra teacher that i finished through calc two my senior year, and i want to tell all three of the asshole teachers that i finished 6th in my class and i'm doing GREAT in school.
2. i want to go up to all the people that made fun of me for being in orchestra, girl scouts, and or for being awkward that i now have a personality, and they haven't changed at all, and they're pathetic and stupid and petty, and gosh-durnit. people like me.

thank you awkward stages in my life. thank you people who didn't believe in me. i've shown you all... i'm prettier than you, i have a personality, and i'm smarter than you. you're teaching middle school and you hate your life while i'm happy and i'm going to save the world. to all of you...a big FUCK YOU very much. if you're going to be a teacher for an already horrible stage in someone's life. at LEAST be supportive.

i'm floored by where i've gotten by complete chance and procrastination. because almost everything i am today falls into that category.

local frustrations

i have money and i want to rent a movie, rather go to a matinee.
local frustration: coffee and cigarettes is out on dvd/vhs for rent. i'm not picky. but i've been to 3 places. all sold out. i've been waiting since april. i demand priority.

so i spent the weekend with my dad. that was actually really nice. we had a good time.
local frustration: we went to this art show, and it was really fun however, i can't look at art when there are crowds i have to push through to get a glipse. i just don't have the energy, and everyone knew my father, so the evening was spent saying..."yeah, i'm his daughter. nice to meet you, yeah, i'm not around that often. i know its a great store. thanks. sure, i'll check it out, and i'll tell you what i think even though i'll prolly never see you again. *smile and nod*"

digital cameras are spectacular in this day and age. and i promised my dad i would print off his pictures from san francisco. i spent quite a while telling my dad all about technology and how easy it is to use.
local frustration: i've been to 4 locations and none of their digital developing machines are working


wonderful weekend tainted by local frustration.

out of body experience

i walked around in a stupor staring at the orgy of lights all around me. i couldn't actually stop watching them. then i stopped in front of the carousel. the horses bobbed up and down and the music was tainted and faint and the lights were 75% working, but i couldn't tear myself away from them. maybe there was some mind-altering drug in my funnel-cake, or maybe there is some charm to the greatest carvival on ea.(the "rth" wasn't working properly, ironically) all these dredged people gather for rigged games, grease-dripping food, and rides (which are only fearsome because the rider is never sure if he's going to live to get off the ride or if the restraint and the bolts will stay together by some stroke of luck). everyone falls into this hypnotized high and happly give away their hard-earned money just to take part. i was fascinated and i was really lost in the swirl. i think aubrie and kathleen had to come find me and make me start walking again because i would be simply watching with glazed eyes the incredible about of flux taking place around me. i'm still trying to take it all in.


mullet-count: 17... i had a short attention span and forgot i was counting.
carnies: still disturbing.
mood: dazed and hungover from the food.

chaos, numbness, and tranquility

rather than life being so ordered it can fall apart... maybe life is so chaotic it falls together.

abandoned
left alone to my own
a life of monotony
uninspired and uninspiring
laying quietly
as waves of chilled sound
pass through my brain

numb
to the world around me
a destructive environment
propaganding and propaganded
filling my mind
with what i should care about
and what i don't

flowing
through my day
pushed through a sieve
stuggling and struggled
relaxing all the way
until i can't feel my body
and i can't feel my soul.

now, you all knew the poetry was coming sooner or later. it came now.

an ironic opportunity

elaine and i have talked about how different our fields in general are. she's an architect, and i want to work in health care in the middle east and for a peace effort. so, naturally, we knew that we would never work together or anything, i mean maybe she could build me a house, some hospitals or a spectacular peace center... but all in all, not gonna happen...

unless...

so, elaine calls me today and tells me we're entering a competition... what kind of a competition? i was clueless. something political maybe? who knows. as soon as i get home she sends me the link. F.A.S.T. its a competition to do the urban designing to prove Israeli's village design wrong. to prove to them that a peaceful community is possible, where two groups can live together in a successful community with cultural interaction, no one group suppressed, and room for growth. The competition calls for pretty much anyone to enter in a number of ways. Political essay plans, urban designs, photographs, anything and everything is involved. together we will attempt to construct a team of legal, architectural, and political minds. never have our goals meshed so perfectly, and the fact that we can do this together really means something to me. this is a spectacular opportunity for my field and its funny how things just fall into place. i hope that it all works out together. if anyone is interested in joining our team and you think you can add to it. we're hoping to assemble about 10 people. give me or elaine a ring or leave your comment.

i love my big sis.

spice up your life

Class: Anthropology of the People of the Middle East
Subject Overview: focus on Arab Bedoin life, very interesting topics all in all
Dilemma: Dr. Ginat's teaching skills aren't exactly...er... yeah...it's hard to sit through a class that long like that.
Solution: Devin and I have constructed a game based somewhat on Edwards Med School Drinking Game.
Rules: 1 shot every time Ginat says "khams"
2 shots every time Ginat says "collective responsibility" "blood revenge" or draws the shame diagram or the khams diagram on the board
3 shots every time Ginat tells a story he's already told.
we'll record a session of the class and get a low % bottle.
Problems: it'll be bad. for examply, i tallyed the last 10 minutes of class, and we would have already had to take 9 shots.

i think we should reform the game, or reform the class.

why i hate politicians

SO. tonight, nadim figured out the ultimate way to get me to do something. he told me the phrase that i fear most...conversation:

"will you be mad at me if i don't go?"
"no, but i'll be disappointed in you"
*puppy eyed face* "disappointed??? OK I'LL GO!"
"you can't just talk the talk and not walk the walk. this is totally in your field."
(thought) ##DAMMIT. he's right. i have to go.##

so i went. and it was supposed to be as far as i knew, an arab thing about discrimination and rights and whatnot and learning about the candidates and their ideas on arab issues and about current conflict issues. that sounded very interesting, i just wanted to study. as i arrived i realized, no, its more of a religiously concerned community that asked the candidates to speak on those issues. now, if you are trying to get votes in a room full of muslims, are you going to say what they want to hear? of course you are. so, every candidate (granted i only got through 2 after the intro speeches went on so long) said exactly the same vague thing, touching no grounds of international conflict and i doubt speaking their actual mind besides... descrimination is bad... but who doesn't believe that? who says they are going to follow this in their office should they get elected. Jennifer Seal is the only candidate there that i knew i could trust and i know i will vote for, yes, i was already a member of team SEAL, but i know her mind and her beliefs. the others were too vague for me to make any sort of decision. the concept, a group of concerned citizens gathering with candidates to address certain policies and personal concerns is a spectacular idea, however, the political system often doesn't allow for more than a short PR speech based solely on being optimistic and vague. not that this is wrong, its politics. i just can't get much out of it.

the food was great. i didn't eat really, but it was gopuram, so i had a piece of bread with some meat, and baklava. and that was good.

pins and needles

so... heres my plan. i earned about 60 dollars this weekend working... so i'm going to buy my OU-TX ticket on tuesday and turn around and do the nasty: sell it on sin or ebay for about 600-700 for both mine and kate's ticket. with this money, i can pay my sister back and have a little extra. i still need a job, this isn't a copout, its just a means of coming to the surface. and i'm still looking. please hire me.

Garden State: This movie has been critisized as "beautiful scenery with no strong plot." I couldn't disagree more. of course, the scenery is beautiful, and so are the people; however, the plot couldn't be more relevent in today's society. I follow Adbusters, it's the only magazine i can read from the beginning to the end nonstop. One of the top concerns featured in Adbusters is the numbing of society as doctors simply perscribe whatever the patient wants to chemically make them feel better. drugs have become the answer. as long as people are depressed, doctors will continue to help them take the easy way out. All these drugs make people absolutely numb to themselves and to the people around them. This is the key plot to the movie. As he resensitises himself, and begins to teach himself to be happy in life and not take the easy way out, all i can see is one of the strongest and most essential plots of our time. I hope that this movie will affect people in our society to follow in the footsteps of Andrew Largeman. I've worked in a pharmacy and seen the numb addicts, i've read countless stories in Adbusters of people who are happier feeling the depression and pain as long as they're still feeling, and i've seen the numbness in our society.
Garden State is a critical movie, a beautiful movie, and has a spectacular soundtrack. If i wasn't so dumbfounded, i'm sure i could write more clearly and more deeply.

monotony

i need new.