fixing a flat

no, i haven't displayed my automotive knowledge anytime recently. i wish i would... considering the good ole believe-mobile is getting louder and louder every day... anyhow... its a metaphoric flat tire.

i've decided to become completely self-sufficient. its sorta been hanging over me for a while that i'm not. emotionally, financially, in any way really... i want to start paying for all my own stuff... i'm taking more hours at work... but all that takes away from is my trying to figure out how to not do anything until i have to start studying time. i will finally be back to providing for myself. paying my own bills, my own recreational money, my vacation and shopping money. all me. i think it will be much more satisfactory to me in the end, and not just that... it will help the relationship i have with my parents.

i'm a gemini, and really into astrology... but really... it is all right on the money with me, and one thing about gemini is that we are up for anything, as long as we aren't forced into it. its not oppositional defiant, its part of my independent nature. i like to have the idea brought up, or i like to have thought of it, but i don't like it imposed on me. I like to call or visit people because i want to not because i'm obligated, and i have stopped hanging out with or calling many people because i felt it became an obligation.

i think we all have certain ways of manipulating people to do things for us, or to think certain things. parents have "punishment" in their back pockets. employers have "demotion" or "firing" in their back pocket. sisters and friends often have blackmail. everyone's got something, and quite often its put to use, whether subconsciously or not. once this power is realized, whether being enforced upon you or you using it, it can be reversed and used for your own power. this results in either a very manipulative person or someone that can see when other people are trying to manipulate them. most people never even know.

as for hamas and the state of the union. don't ask. i was at work for the worst address of the year and i haven't been following the news so i can't tell you all what i think. still love you, and i'll get back to you as soon as i can.