try try again

i tried so hard. really, it was like 10 or 12 hours straight... i was back to the old me... i hadn't studied that well in a very very long time, and i actually understood it. I got back to the point where chemistry was fun. i love chem and calc etc as long as i understand it, but i guess thats not just me, who likes subjects that just frustrate them and that they don't understand?
it was a futile cause.

the reformation is underway. i'm back to a healthy time in my life. to my senior year in high-school we go! i'll have class, work (hopefully), gymtime, and a lotta studying everyday.

For a while i've been in this mode where i'm not on any sort of schedule... i do whatever sort of task flies my way... but maybe i've just been afraid of falling back into routine. i don't know why, i was productive and efficient then.

and in other news... you can look forward to a nice long politcal commentary on bush in the next few somethings... it's boiling inside of me.

just shut up

something missing
something gone
maybe never there
maybe i was wrong

is it possible
something left
that was never in existance
to begin with

could it be
that i fabricate
a nothingness
. . . a hole
which then becomes something,
missing in my soul

the spaceship is coming

i'm uncertain why...

i'm cursed.
absolutely cursed.
i need a new body, that isn't broken,
and i need a new personality that isn't so prone to failure and giving in.

totally cursed.
what i did to deserve this? what i did to cause this?
no idea.

black thursday

www.notinourname.net/archive/20jan05.htm

salt on my feet

i spent the weekend in baltimore... yeah... just for the weekend... which was enough of a taste to make me miss my sister terribly and learn to love her friends and become spoiled rotten. we had a great time. it was an odd weekend to say the least...

i learned that bums like me and apparently i look safe...
some guy tried to kiss me on the flight there... which was an odd start to the whole weekend... WHO DOES THAT?!?!
i did lots of EXTREME SHOPPING... which i seem to only be able to do with my big sister.
i watched Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle and that was amazing for me... you should totally check it out. its extreme.
and i came back with a back full of... MY GRANDMOTHERS PITA BREAD... which doesn't make sense b/c i didn't realize they were keeping her hostage to make their bread at shoppers... i had wonderful food...
i got to see all the places that i hear so much about... the infamous "bullfeathers", "brewers art", and i rode the light rail. OH YEAH.

elaine's friends were awesome. i had an instant big brother with jason... and i wish i had more time to hang out with her co-workers who seem awesome and with sean and her DC-bullfeathers crew, and her salty-gang...

all in all, i'm so proud of my sister. and i'm so happy she is doing so well there... i can't wait until spring break when i get to go back for a more extended period.

i love my big sis.

"KUUUMAR... what is that with like 5 u's and 3 o's"

how odd...

my cousin narmeen just had her engagement party. now thats odd... my narmooshie is getting married, and i wasn't there for the engagement party... hopefully i'll make the wedding... i would be terribly upset if i didn't... she's one of my very closest cousins. it sucks living this far away sometimes. however. her fiance... light brown belt and shoes... i can't approve of that. but she looks happy, so i'm happy for her.

narmooshie

in other news... my iraq class today got into a 2 hour debate about why the US invaded... i was miss contoversial and it was fun. i consider it a past time now... a hobby really.

just another days...

a weekend full of hearing my shortcomings is just what i needed to help my spirits... but other than the arguing, i had a good weekend with my rents... they're cute... and we were frontpage news... any of you who heard about the fire on may avenue during the ice day... THATS MY POP!

in other news... i'm going to baltimore this weekend. i'm excited... i miss my big sis...
iraq class finishes this week and i've decided i love intersession. compacting a class into 3 weeks is ingenious.
i watched the aviator... and if you like good movies, note... good movies, then i recommend you go see it.
i'm working on my music library, which needs a little TLC.

life isn't too terribly exciting right now... sorry guys... if anyone cares to help out with that, i'm open for business.

you are here

complements of www.nataliedee.com

jones-ing it

New Year Now. its 1995... this was the first year i broke away... thats always the hardest part right? well, i did it. i didn't spend it with my family... i spent it with... myself really. i tried friends, but everyone had just a few people over and for some reason or another, i didn't want to be at any of these locations. i really wanted a good party... but everyone was gone... i think i knew it wouldn't happen... i'm not really sure what i wanted... anyhow. here i am, 4 am, and i'm not "shitfaced with my head in a toilet like most normal people are" no... i watched the ball rise to the top of the crane, yeah... the downtown crane, at my friend carmen's sister's apartment... how i ended up there is a weird story. now, its 4 am i just finished watching Kill Bill vol. 2 and i'm going to go to sleep listening to a litta bitta chilla.

i've thought for a long time that a college students existence is merely based on the search for the glorious party and party hopping until it is found. now... it doesn't happen, you most likely wont find it. because either a) you missed it because you were on the phone either trying to tell people about it, b) you were too busy looking for the next party c) it already happened and you didn't know it so now you are just trying to get back. i loathe the search and i swear not to do it. i almost got stuck in that trap today, but i pulled out REAL fast.

in other news...

i was reminded yesterday that the name mary means bitter... so, my name is "bitter honey"
that's almost too good to be true. and "quite perfect really"

happy new year everyone.
as for my resolutions. well, i'm resolved.