statically dynamic

jack and diane, MCAT, o'connells, molecular biology, the library, ecology and pathanogenic microbiology lab, CVS pharmacy, sleep, trainspotting, walk the dog, molecular biology, coffee, physics, friend therapy, sleep, lcd soundsystem, clean the apartment, grocery, volunteering, oklahoma electric cooperative, cottonwood ridge homeowners association, visit the rents, watch the store, sleep, dire straits, poker, shower...

seems pretty busy, eh? yeah... it is. but amidst all this, i decided to walk to class. and it was a rather pleasant walk down boyd street. i'll prolly repeat this. as many of you know, or don't... i'm a fairly private person, i have to have my alone time, i have to sit and think, i can't function without it. and so i decided that a good time for this would be walking to class on monday/wednesday/friday. (9 am class is a bit too early for even a pleasant walk on tues/thurs). as i walk down the street i get the crazy look from people, "why is she walking? doesn't she realize this is oklahoma and we don't do that?" "awww, do you think she doesn't have a car? should we give her a ride?" but i just gazed and looked on... had my music playing and i just let my brain go for a walk right by me... only it ran and i walked.

some people are comfortable in stability, some people don't know what to do with stability and fear it. the change has to be constant, the lights have to be bright, and the risk has to be maximum. emotionally, physically, whatever. the other side, the stable people, want to be surrounded by the static things in life, this is comforting, like their own little static teddy bear to hug at night. a static person will go absolutely crazy in a dynamic life and a dynamic person will suffocate and die in a static lifestyle.

i am fairly busy this semester and i haven't gotten all my shit together yet, i have a lot to do, and a lot more to plan to do. i've gone through the last semester somewhat floating, going through the motions of doing things, studying, class, hang out a bit, sleep. and there was a comforting discomfort in it. i'm uncomfortable with stability i think. i have to have the constant fluster and motion. i prefer not to have that at my apartment, because this makes it more difficult for me to function outside of these rooms... but i think that last semester, as much as i had my apartment tidey, my brain wasn't messy, it was comforted in the little ditch it was in. now i've been removed from that ditch, and i've become a mess. i need to take a longer walk... maybe down charles street. maybe soon. i'm a terrible mess, and i think this is because i'm not really just going through the motions anymore.

revelations part new

here we go... starting off a new semester... its impressive that a month has passed of break. i suppose things have been rather busy around here... christmas...new years...then i was working on my apartment... i painted a few walls, recovered an ottoman and made some pillows... all in all my apartment looks completely different, i would put up pictures, but i have no camera, and my phone camera doesn't really capture it... anyhow, i'll find some pictures eventually. i need to do more work on it first.

i meant to post about this sooner, and i didn't... maybe i've been lazy... but its friday the 13th, and i think its about time to post my revelations on new years celebrations.
revelation: how you spend your new years eve dictates the rest of your year. think about it. i know its at least been fairly accurate up to now for me.
so what did i do for new years and what does this mean? i spent my new years eve first of all cleaning my entire apartment, made it spotless. i got all prettied up and jumped from party to party. spent new years with a bunch of friends-- a bunch of different groups of friends... got drenched in champagne... danced a bit...but in the end, i was alone and there was still that bit of a hole.

translation: i think i'm going to spend a fair amount of this year cleaning up my life, organizing everything, putting things in order... and i'm going to work on myself, inside and out. champagne and dancing... that part is obvious i think. i've got a bunch of new groups of friends to be around this year which explains the party jumping... but even with all this i've still got that hole i'm trying to fill. i don't know with what. hopefully that bit is only symbolizing the beginning of the year and that hole will be gone soon.

i had a lot of plan for this break... many of which didn't happen... i think i felt like i had 2 more weeks than i really have. anyhow... i'm going to try to make the best of this last weekend.

good night and good luck.