all the way from the salty

so, my sister was in town this weekend... and... i really missed her, we had a great time... and i want her to stay here... but i like her in balty, because then i can visit her and hear all her crazy stories and scare people with her ring. i really rely on my big sis for approval and i always have the best times when she's around. i'm very very lucky. (lookhy.) i wish i had more siblings, i always have, but maybe having just one is good because i get to have a special bond to her.

the key is 3.
3. nintendo - she played really, i watched mostly
2. building tombs out of couch pillows
and the kicker.
1. long car trips. we were forced to join together in order not to die of boredom

but then tonight i was looking at her pics from baltimore and i guess it hasn't hit me yet that she lives there every day, on the ocean... in an urban setting. i mean, its awesome, but we really are country folk now. and what if... WHAT if she lied. what if she decided NOT to come back, that baltimore really is the place for her... and maybe it is.

so this thanksgiving, i went hom on wednesday, because i really didn't want to have to wait at home for her. and as soon as she got in, we started playing the game of... remember when we were ghetto... that really didn't end until i left on sunday. good game. we watch bridget jones diary 2... good flick, one of the only movies that can almost remake the same movie and still be amusing. i didn't get to take her for a tour of downtown, although it doesn't compare to dc or balty... but you know... i wanted to, she made me do it so many times. and i didn't get to go to the lido or dim sum with her. but i did get to dance to great music all night on saturday with her, and i did get to make fun of people without having to explain myself. oh, such things are often underappreciated until they're gone.

who else would go buffalo hunting with me?
i love my big sis.

next on dr. phil

i think something i realized this weekend, are that opposites don't attract. its not that you are attracted to someone completely different than you. that's bullshit. but the people (namely those of the opposite sex) are attracted to your underlying personality. whether they know that that is your personality or it is a subconscious thing... who knows... point is, you can learn a lot about yourself by looking at the people that are truly interested in you.

these are things you and i can't control. and maybe you're thinking to yourself... no... i've had guys/girls that were truly my opposite that were really interested and attracted to me. no. their facade was the opposite of yours. thats it.

on another note...
laney is coming home soon. i miss my big sister a lot, so i'm pumped to see her and spend some time... :)

i've got a lot to do and no reason to do it.

collapsing muscles
give way to rubber bones
falling uncontrollably
weary eyes
gasp
heavily

debaucherific

 

by george, i think she's got it...

i've been sick all weekend... and i had a sick day on thursday like i used to have back in elementary school. kate wouldn't let me go to school, then she went to the store and bought me a surprise (ice cream) and soup and other warm things, and she made me soup and tea and we watched cartoon movies. after thursday, i was in bed a lot, but i'm feeling a little better now. now everyone is getting sick, some with what i had, some with something different, a lot is going around and this cold rainy weather isn't helping at all.

so now i'm taking care of people. and its what i enjoy doing more than anything else in the world. i love making people as comfortable as possible, not letting them get up, bringing them what they need, making them feel better. same thing with hospitality, don't resist me. i love taking your plate, i love getting you drinks, i would love to offer you whatever i have, i want to make sure you are comfortable, i want to clean up after, i want to prepare for a long time... i love it. this is why i'll be a good wife.

so... what is it that i've got? i've finally got a good grip on realization that my field is for me. the medical field will allow me to take care of people and help them to feel better, and having medical foundations to work with healthcare in the middle east will allow me to do a lot of hosting.

i just want to take care of you and make you as comfortable as possible through my love.

babyface

apparently i'm that person everyone goes to in order to see what her opinion is on political issues. we've had the election and all that went with that, we've had iraq, we've had domestic issues, we've had a number of things, on the tip of everyone's tongue for your friendly arab liberal democrat? thats right... arafat.

so, i've gotten the question from a number of sources. what will be the impact of babyface's death (not meant disrespectfully, but lets face it, he has a babyface). so anyways, he's not dead yet guys, not dead yet. they can't figure out whats wrong with him and he's in and out of comas. so, here's the scoop. contrary to popular belief, arafat hasn't done shit for years... look at the guy, this isn't a facade. he's an old, sick man. he has been nothing but a symbol to palestian people. he's been around as a leader throughout all these wars, and he's fought for them. now, he's just a scapegoat. but down to it. he's fairly harmless. so... big question: how will his passing away affect arabs? it will just make him more of a symbol.

there's a but. there WILL be a problem in the event that sharon and his minions don't allow demonstrations in his memory, and even bigger, if they don't allow him to be buried in jerusalem. bad idea. bad things will come of this. its showing the world and the palestinians they have nothing to do with israel and they aren't wanted there.

disillusioned

i'm dazed:

it hasn't really hit me that i'll be living under bush for another 4 years. once again, i've been getting the this is such a great country though, it'll be ok. i've never actually disliked this country until now. reiteration: this is the first time i've actually not wanted to live in america. elaine, if you're up for leave the salty, i'm totally willing to get to canada if they'll let us in. i'm tired of the smug smiles and huge "W" shirts. tired of it. don't be proud. the attitude in america is nothing to be proud of. maybe i'm embittered. i have right to be. when you know the whole story and you aren't voting based on what your parents tell you or on morals that have nothing to do with a presidency, come talk to me. when you've seen the arab people in 3rd world countries and you know their history and the whole story, then come talk to me. maybe i'm embittered, but i have a right to be.

i have an organic test on monday. hardest one yet, i've been to every class, yet i feel like i skipped a few chapters, i'm so lost. i'm stressed but not really, because in the case that i fail it, it'll be replaced with my highest test grade which happens to be a 95, and i can live with that.

i keep waking up not knowing where i am. i haven't slept well in a while. and i dream again, really odd dreams. getting up with a cup of coffee in bed is nice, but its not so sweet when accompanied by a side of shortcomings. i need to scream. at the top of my lungs, i just want to let out frustrations that have building up for what seems like years.

yeah, thats me that you hear. if it's too loud. turn down your radio.

broke the seal

so yesterday, November 2, was one of the most important days in America's recent history. i spent the day by waking up at 5:30 am and going to work a precinct in moore, one of the hardest parts of that day was having to do assisted voting, where i had to actually mark ballots for George W. Bush and Coburn. it was really quite difficult, but i had to hold back my chokes while i did my poll-worker duty.

advice i've gotten in the last 24 hours:
"hold your head up"
"forget about it, there's nothing you could have done anyways"
"move to canada"
"don't cry about it"
well, there is something to cry about, and yes, i did cry today, on my way to class.

*flashback*
let me tell you why the election made me cry, when so much else in my life hasn't been able to. several years ago, i was home sick, and it just so happened that that was the day of the israeli elections where ariel sharon was going for re-election. re-electing him meant that the country was electing a full-out war against palestinians. i couldn't imagine that people could morally do that, considering that was outright said on the television and in ariel's speeches. but, he was re-elected. I hate israel for no other reason than the fact that it is indeed a war state. and horrible massacres are committed on their hands constantly.
*end flashback*

this morning, i woke up by a phone call from my mother asking if i was disappointed, it was dreary outside, and i knew all the patterns were beat and kerry had lost, but i answered my mother slowly that i didn't want to talk about it, but yes, i was disappointed. as i put on my screaming music on the way to class, i realized that i'm now living in a war state, the voting decision made yesterday was very similar to the decision made in israel several years ago. american's voted for war and against the lives of many innocent people. on my way to class i felt surrounded by warhawk, neocons, and hate. i felt defeat. i felt hate for the electoral college, which if anyone wants to argue about, i will shoot down any arguement you might have, the EC is obsolete. i felt that i wasn't proud to be here, for the first time in my life. i knew my vote really didn't matter yesterday, i knew all the work for provisional ballots i had done yesterday didn't matter. i wanted more than anything to be out of this country.

i absolutely live in a state of fear now. we have sent a message to the world that we are a war state and we plan on staying on the offensive. no matter how close that election was, a majority of americans DO want war. they hate & discriminate. all i want to do right now, is scream, cry, and sleep until my certain death.

so, yeah, i cried. and they were invaluable true tears.

i voted

event: the redskins were slaughtered by the packers
meaning: for 18 elections now that means that the incumbent party will lose the election

event: kids on nickelodeon chose kerry
meaning: they haven't been wrong yet, kerry will win

event: i voted
meaning: i expressed the most power i could in our governmental system

event: i tried to understand the state questions
meaning: i answered some of them, the wording on those questions is shady and horrible.

event: i'm working the election tomorrow
meaning: i have to wake up at 5 am, be in moore at 6:30 and sit on my ass all day.

event: fortune cookie says: "your efforts will be worthwhile"
meaning: no idea.