broke the seal

so yesterday, November 2, was one of the most important days in America's recent history. i spent the day by waking up at 5:30 am and going to work a precinct in moore, one of the hardest parts of that day was having to do assisted voting, where i had to actually mark ballots for George W. Bush and Coburn. it was really quite difficult, but i had to hold back my chokes while i did my poll-worker duty.

advice i've gotten in the last 24 hours:
"hold your head up"
"forget about it, there's nothing you could have done anyways"
"move to canada"
"don't cry about it"
well, there is something to cry about, and yes, i did cry today, on my way to class.

*flashback*
let me tell you why the election made me cry, when so much else in my life hasn't been able to. several years ago, i was home sick, and it just so happened that that was the day of the israeli elections where ariel sharon was going for re-election. re-electing him meant that the country was electing a full-out war against palestinians. i couldn't imagine that people could morally do that, considering that was outright said on the television and in ariel's speeches. but, he was re-elected. I hate israel for no other reason than the fact that it is indeed a war state. and horrible massacres are committed on their hands constantly.
*end flashback*

this morning, i woke up by a phone call from my mother asking if i was disappointed, it was dreary outside, and i knew all the patterns were beat and kerry had lost, but i answered my mother slowly that i didn't want to talk about it, but yes, i was disappointed. as i put on my screaming music on the way to class, i realized that i'm now living in a war state, the voting decision made yesterday was very similar to the decision made in israel several years ago. american's voted for war and against the lives of many innocent people. on my way to class i felt surrounded by warhawk, neocons, and hate. i felt defeat. i felt hate for the electoral college, which if anyone wants to argue about, i will shoot down any arguement you might have, the EC is obsolete. i felt that i wasn't proud to be here, for the first time in my life. i knew my vote really didn't matter yesterday, i knew all the work for provisional ballots i had done yesterday didn't matter. i wanted more than anything to be out of this country.

i absolutely live in a state of fear now. we have sent a message to the world that we are a war state and we plan on staying on the offensive. no matter how close that election was, a majority of americans DO want war. they hate & discriminate. all i want to do right now, is scream, cry, and sleep until my certain death.

so, yeah, i cried. and they were invaluable true tears.