cornered

i dreamt last night... i feel like i don't dream as often anymore, at least i don't remember them... so i told kate about my dream last night, at least one of them. which really didn't seem to make any sense last night, but she acted like i was a moron when i told it to her because according to kate...it was perfectly clear what the dream meant.

in one part i was kneeling in front of a door, and i leaned back and i felt a dog, then i just felt its teeth... and it started attacking me, but i could fight it off very well... you know like when you just feel weak... so i'm being attacked by a cute dog and then i jumped onto a waterbed where he couldn't reach me, but the water bed turned into an ocean as soon as i was on it, and there was a whirlpool like hole in it... so anywhere i turned i was trying to get away... then i started wandering around saying over and over "la haowl wa la q'awa billa allah" (there is no change and no strength but through God.)

so i suppose it means i'm feeling cornered by certain issues bothering me... and they're tearing me up. and everywhere i turn there are just other problems to run away from, so i really just need to get out and ask for help... obviously i'm looking for it if i'm saying that phrase over and over... but maybe i'm not looking for help from people, maybe just from myself and from God...so yeah yeah, telling people, sure, will get it off my chest... but what happens when you know if you tell someone they will try to help you, and you don't want help. you know what is wrong, you don't have to figure it out... you just don't want to change it...what do you do then?

i don't really want your opinion. just something to think about.