marriage, what?

so... i've decided i would totally go for an arranged marraige. i told my mother on sunday to keep her schedule clear for next august, when she inquired as to why, i told her... well... we're going to be overseas... might as well just do the marriage then.

i was kidding at the time but realized that really, i'm only half-kidding.

i want a family. i want kids, and a good husband and all that. you know what though, as much as i discredit my parents, they want what is best for me, and honestly, i think that they would pick out a good guy for me.

oh mary... what about love??

love is overrated. real love, the kind that makes marriages last, that love is build on respect and trust. i have the rest of my life to get to know whoever it would be that i would marry... why know everything before, it would run down too fast. arranged marriages statistically last more often than self-chosen marriages do. i don't see what the big deal is. I think that as long as he is attractive... i wouldn't be opposed, i know that he would inevitably be what i'm looking for, because what my mother wants for me and what i want, are scarily similar. I've always called it ridiculous. but its not.

so... next august... anyone interested in seeing "the holy land" come see the holy land and the greatest week of a party in your life. :)

vroom in the night

cars in dreams represent life. i had another dream about my car. This time, i was studying for a test, and went back out to my car at about 5 am. I had left my guitar, and my purse and a few other things in my car. Well, as soon as i got to my car, i went to open the trunk, and i noticed it wasn't shut, there was a giant dent in the middle of the trunk separating it into right and left halves. it was a ridiculous dent, as if my car had been hit by some giant machine. Then i looked around my car and noticed that all the windows were busted in, my guitar was smashed, papers were shredded, everything gone through. I opened my purse and noticed that nothing had been taken, no cash, no credit cards, nothing of importance. I felt violated and weirded out, confused but relieved.

My interpretation: although a lot of damage may have been done, all the damage that has been done is replaceable. It may hurt a bit and I may feel like a bit of me is gone, but that's all on the outside. Its superficial. The important things weren't touched. everything that has been broken is replaceable in my life. So i suppose i should be relieved and start to work at fixing what is broken.

behind the silence

commentary on Divine Intervention by Elia Suleiman.

so i finally watched Divine Intervention. An independent film about love and pain amidst the palestinian-israeli conflict. After finishing it, i read what some other people had said about it and most often i read that it was "boring and lacking." I have to disagree. I can totally see how it would be boring and lacking, to the unartistic, uncultured, and uninformed eye. It's an excellent movie full of metaphors. You unimaginative fools.

SO. here are a few things that i found in the movie.

1. yes. there is little or no talking, but i think suleiman did this for two reasons. One, to allow the viewer to gain his own opinion, without being told what to think. two, to be a symbol of the voicelessness of the palestinian people.

2. I think there were a few scenes that were meant to be a symbol of the ridiculosity (yeah, i used it) of the situation. The fact that the border police called because a balloon was crossing the border and they didn't know if they should let it pass. just a little crazy.

3. The scene where a little boy is playing with a soccer ball and it goes on the roof and an authority figure rips it and deflates it and throws it back, then the boy shows up again playing with a full soccer ball: first of all, any of you who have been to the region know the importance of soccer in the eyes of the youth. it's what they do, and its sort of a release. Think about it, its a way to occupy time, take out agression, have fun, be skilled at something, and be like everyone else in the world (except america that is). I think this scene represents however that no matter what the authorities do, the palestinian people will deal with it, patch things up, and continue.

4. The voice over radio keeps barking out orders to the sodiers. and they obey. no matter who the soldiers are or where they are, it is the same voice. This is showing that not even the israeli people have their own mind, they are acting purely on what they are told, and the person telling them what to do is a mystery. Its just a voice, its not personal, its not feeling, its just a voice.

5. Two scenes i absolutely loved. The showdowns. The show down of the woman and the israeli soldiers. They pointed guns at her until she took off her sunglasses. This could be because of her beauty, but i think that it was clear that she was beautiful before she took off the glasses. Rather, i think that in her eyes was love, the eyes are the window to the soul, and as soon as the soldiers could see the love and determination in her eyes, they could no longer be violent and put down their weapons. The second showdown is in the car when ES is parked next to an israeli waving a flag. He puts in a tape and it is natacha atlas singing "I put a Spell on you." Not only is this scene great just because its amusing, but they are having a stare off, they have stopped traffic and are being honked at, but they don't see what's going on in the rest of the world or how silly they are, they only see each other. (irony? yeah...) The conflict in the middle east has become blind to so much, and the parties involved can't even see really what's going on anymore.

6. The most important symbol in the movie: one of the last scenes. Where as 5 israelis are training in a theatrical shooting performance, all of the targets fall except for one. then a girl-ninja comes and stands in front of it. This is the same girl that passed the border walking earlier in the movie, and it is the same girl that ES is in love with, only she's covered now. It doesn't matter how much she is shot at or attacked, she is not hurt, the bullets surround her head like a halo, or avoid her. She makes the hostility end when the fighters are gone and the only person left is the trainer. This symbolizes a few things. Once again, that the people barking orders are making the war, yet if it comes to them face to face with the combat, they do not know what to do. The second and most important symbol in the movie is that the one figure that ES is in love with was able to conquer. She represents love. Love is the divine intervention that can stop all the hate and fighting.

like i said, i could write a ton more on this movie, its full of symbols, and its excellent. i intend to watch it again, and perhaps i will write a commentary paper on it. for now, i'm going to appreciate it for what it is. And you know, being so familiar with nazareth myself, it was just kinda cool seeing it in a movie. I wanted to comment a little, just so people could get an idea of the symbolism in the movie (should any of you at all see it) and maybe there is a chance you wont see it as "boring."

boring movies don't win at cannes guys. really good ones do though. just look a little beneath the silence.

out in left field

this is one of those serious blogs... that isn't a rant about anything political... or anything unusual... this one is about me... and i'm disabling comments on it because i tire of the you oughta's and the pep talks... not that i get a lot of comments, but i know people read this, and i want to not give you the opportunity.

I don't believe in the word bored. i just don't. I think it's a conversation filler, and i think people without any creativity or knowledge use it because they can't think of anything to do, but there is always something to do, because there is always something to learn, even if you're just sitting there thinking or people-watching, whatever. there's something to do. recently, the dirty word crossed my mind... i thought i was bored, but i realized what i said, and found plenty to occupy myself with. i realized that i'm not bored at all, but i wasn't satisfied. i'm lonely.

i've forgotten how to make friends. Its not that making friends is really all that hard for me, but i'm not looking for superficial laugh and fun friends, those are necessary, don't get me wrong, but they aren't what i need right now. I've noticed that i'm never really in my element. I place myself in environments and adapt to them, and may seem perfectly happy, but deep down, they never were my element. I've had very few friends that i can just sit and talk to for hours on end and never be at a loss for topic. politics, social issues, random stuff, music, serious discussion, whatever, i could talk and loose track of all time and just be completely enveloped in the moment. I've been looking for people like that for a long time. and they aren't easy to find. people that will not necessarily argue with but will challenge everything i say. people that i'm totally comfortable doing nothing with. i don't know where to find these people, or how to befriend them, and i'm obviously doing a bad job if i haven't found one in so long or held on to any... but i'm lonely for it.

and i've heard it all.... blah blah... you have to get out there on your own... yes it's hard to make friends... yada yada. i'm in college. this is where you are supposed to make your friends. this is supposed to be some sort of mecca for intellect (yeah right)

so. no, for all of you curious, nothing is the matter with me. I'm just lonely. I'll be fine. and i am fine. i'm working on it.

drip drip drop

when it rains... it pours...

its a shame i don't have an umbrella.

but i don't actually believe in umbrellas.

especially for bums.

i would legislate against umbrellas for bums.

does this make me a bad person?

i don't think so...

but perhaps that is why i'm stuck in the rain

and i don't know what to do.

i'm doing something wrong.

but i don't have an umbrella because i don't believe in them.

i shouldn't change my beliefs right?

i guess i'm just stuck in the pouring rain.

stuck doing what i know to do.

and i'm confused.

just like most of you who just read this post.

fangs and bangs

oh what a ghoulish holiday. i'm a scary vampire, yeah? watch out, i'll sneak into your bedroom at night. so there we have it... i decided to dye my hair black. i was really a vampire just so that i could have an excuse to do it, but i like it, and i really liked being a blood-sucking lady of the dark.

my favorite part about changing things up? (as in changing from blonde to black) you find out who your friends are and who judges you. I love the reactions more than anything else. its fun. i've decided to be a little more "blood-sucking" in general. I've decided to become a bit more selfish. focus on me. I'm always the girl helping everyone else, and i love doing that, but i don't think that i focus enough on being selfish, on worrying about bettering my own lot. and i need to. i need to get involved with things like the PCRF(palestinian children's relief fund), amnesty international, etc, and i need to work on being less reliant on others and being stronger in my thoughts and actions... i just wish i could take my own advice... fatal flaw if you ask me.

check out the new website:
its got poetry, pics, my schoolwork indian epic stories and MUCH MUCH MORE

http://students.ou.edu/A/Mary.A.Asal-1/home.html