all the king's horses and all the king's men...

yes. i still love shattered glass and i suppose there is a following of those of us who do. I can't understand, however, the masochism our brains not only allow us to put ourselves through but actually make it more intense and worse.

Once we have scrutinized over every detail and possibility (and being a gemini, lord knows it takes me a long time to make a decision anyways) and we have allowed our throat to be the battle ground between head and heart, once all that is over and we've made our decision...why is it so hard to stick by? so hard not to run back. Even with appreciation of shattered glass, one can realize that enough of those shards in you--and you will die--you have to be careful, so why would anyone want to go back?

While every manipulation, every fight, every tear hurt immensely. Somehow our masochistic tendencies allow us to relive the good memories--which hurts a lot more than the tears ever did. Maybe being addicted to the pain is our way of knowing we're still alive and we still can feel. Maybe we've convinced ourselves that the intensity of the pain is the reciprocal of the scale letting us know that the worse the pain, the stronger the love? Maybe we're too afraid of becoming numb and not being able to give the fullness of the emotions we once had to another person. none of that seems to make any sense when stated out loud. I'm just trying to make sense of a myriad of colors that i don't understand.