the reciprocation
I'm always learning... always trying to make myself a better person... lord knows i have a hard time with discussion, and i love being right... far more often than i am right... i know i'm hard on myself, and making mistakes is not something i really enjoy doing much less admitting that i've done...
i've taken the time to observe a little more closely and analyze how i work when i make a mistake... the truth is... i pretty much shut down... i tune out the entire world and my brain begins to run on about 37 tracks trying to figure out exactly everything that needs to be done to alleviate the situation. This includes scheming, exactly what needs to be done next, what must be done after that, the consequences, how i need to deal with every part... its all prioritized and my brain becomes a complete cloud to the outside world. for any of you who have actually seen this take place... i imagine it looks something like a glaze going over my eyes, my forehead will squinch, and i'll either start moving very fast or i'll stop moving all together... none of it really makes any sense... its just how i deal with things. ANYTHING... i dealt with bad test grades like this... text messages that you just KNOW are leading to something bad coming up... mistakes i make oh pretty much anywhere... in ANY case... its how i work.
now, don't get me wrong... honesty is the most important thing to me, i value it above all else... however, i just know that in most cases i can get myself out of just about any situation.
when i realize i can't get myself out of a situation and i just have to face my mistakes... i can't correct them or fix them later... its not easy an easy task for me to do. i'm just that stubborn, but here i am saying what most of you already know about me. BUT, you may know that when i apologize... its sincere, and its probably eating me alive on the inside.
i've always thought the working myself up to humble myself down far enough to admit that i'm wrong was the hard part... it turns out that + my 37 paths of figuring things out is what i focused on and what i dread in the back of my mind is what happens if once i have humbled myself down and past what i thought was the hard part... it doesn't matter and there's nothing that can be done... now i've vulnerable-ized myself and all for naught? what if the apology isn't accepted anywways? i guess underneath it all, i believe that when you really mean an apology, the other person HAS to accept it... truth is... that isn't the way it is... the other person never has to accept anything no matter how sincere and remorseful you are.
just something i'm thinking about...
i've taken the time to observe a little more closely and analyze how i work when i make a mistake... the truth is... i pretty much shut down... i tune out the entire world and my brain begins to run on about 37 tracks trying to figure out exactly everything that needs to be done to alleviate the situation. This includes scheming, exactly what needs to be done next, what must be done after that, the consequences, how i need to deal with every part... its all prioritized and my brain becomes a complete cloud to the outside world. for any of you who have actually seen this take place... i imagine it looks something like a glaze going over my eyes, my forehead will squinch, and i'll either start moving very fast or i'll stop moving all together... none of it really makes any sense... its just how i deal with things. ANYTHING... i dealt with bad test grades like this... text messages that you just KNOW are leading to something bad coming up... mistakes i make oh pretty much anywhere... in ANY case... its how i work.
now, don't get me wrong... honesty is the most important thing to me, i value it above all else... however, i just know that in most cases i can get myself out of just about any situation.
when i realize i can't get myself out of a situation and i just have to face my mistakes... i can't correct them or fix them later... its not easy an easy task for me to do. i'm just that stubborn, but here i am saying what most of you already know about me. BUT, you may know that when i apologize... its sincere, and its probably eating me alive on the inside.
i've always thought the working myself up to humble myself down far enough to admit that i'm wrong was the hard part... it turns out that + my 37 paths of figuring things out is what i focused on and what i dread in the back of my mind is what happens if once i have humbled myself down and past what i thought was the hard part... it doesn't matter and there's nothing that can be done... now i've vulnerable-ized myself and all for naught? what if the apology isn't accepted anywways? i guess underneath it all, i believe that when you really mean an apology, the other person HAS to accept it... truth is... that isn't the way it is... the other person never has to accept anything no matter how sincere and remorseful you are.
just something i'm thinking about...
posted by bitterhoney at 9:41 PM
1 Comments:
I don't believe an apology has to be accepted, whether it's sincere or not. What actually matters is whether you have actual remorse. If you actually understand what you've done that has caused pain in the other person. Then the apology is less about making them feel better just to fix the issue, and more about you expressing yourself so that they understand that you realize what you did was wrong or hurtful.
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