truth of torture

i don't hate people... i don't judge people... but you, miss... here's what i want to happen to you... not the killing kind of pain... no no no... that far too easy... but rather...

1.  i want you to have mosquito bites every night such that it becomes hard to sleep or function throughout the day

2.  i want your food to come out cold when you order it at restaurants

3.  i want your remote to be forever our of batteries

4.  i want your heel to break on your favorite shoes when you are at some nice restaurant far from home.

5.  i hope your grocery bags break.

6.  i hope bleach gets all over your favorite shirt.

7.  i hope as soon as you get home with your bread, and you've been craving a certain sandwich... you find out its moldy.

8.  i hope the crossword is torn out of your newspaper when you sit down to do it.

9.  i hope you are able to get every bit of your back popped except the one crick that's been driving you crazy.

10. i hope you have a terrible haircut

11.  i hope you run out of shampoo, but you don't realize it until after you're already in the shower and all soapy

12.  i hope you go get a pedicure and get a fungus from the utensils because they weren't properly sterilized

13.  i hope allergies drive your sinuses crazy

14.  i hope you constantly don't have cell phone reception

15.  i hope you get pink eye

16.  i hope you accidentally leave your car windows down and it rains like crazy

17.  i hope you can't find a toothpick when you desperately need one

18.  i hope you get a terrible rash

19.  i hope you cut yourself shaving. everytime. the small irritating little cuts...

20.  i hope you forget where you put anything you're trying to find

21.  i hope you get paper-cuts on every file you put away

22.  i hope when you get into your car, the sun is so hot that you burn your hands and legs on the seatbelt, seat, steering wheel...

23.  i hope your soda is flat

24.  i hope you have an allergy to your new fabric softner

25.  i hope traffic lights last a ridiculous time before turning green

26.  i hope you get stuck in line in the grocery store behind the old lady with 100s of small items

27.  i hope you stub your toe as soon as you wake up in the morning

28.  i hope your alarm doesn't go off in the morning

29.  i hope your favorite cd gets all sorts of scratched

30.  i hope no cabs stop for you when you need one

thats all for now.

i really don't like you ma'am-- don't discriminate against people.